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Overheard Optometry

18 Crazy Excuses That Patients Gave for Breaking or Losing Their Glasses

‘Out jumps this angry rabid squirrel that attacked her face.’

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These glasses are oven-baked, not fried. PHOTO COURTESY OF DR. CHRISTINA DIXON.

YOU SEE YOUR PATIENT walking into the office with trepidation and a familiar grimace and you know just what it means: lost or broken glasses.

As you work to solve the problem, you hear all kinds of explanations, from the plausible to the far-fetched.

The best are those that just have to be true, because how could you make this stuff up?

Take a look at some of our favorite submitted stories from the communities of Overheard Optometry and ODs on Facebook.

1. Patient: “I ran over my glasses with my car.” – Dr. Sara Erlich, Hackensack, NJ

2. Patient: “My dog sat on my glasses.” – Susan Klein Friday, Optica, Natick, MA

3. Patient: “I opened the case and they were like this.” – Julie, Calgary, AB, Canada

4. Patient: “I flushed it down an industrial-strength Bank of America toilet.” – Dr. Beth S., New York, NY

5. Optometrist: “How did you break these?”

Patient: “I was playing soccer.”

Optometrist: “Oh, took a ball to the face?”

Patient: “Uh, no, I gave them to my mom and she put them in her pocket and sat down on them.” – Dr. Mark Foust, Eye Contact Vision Center, Rock Hill, SC

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6. Patient: “I need new glasses. Mine are now oven-baked, not fried.” – Dr. Christina Dixon, Eagle Eye Vision Center, Stafford, VA

7. “[The patient] went to throw some garbage in the dumpster and heard an odd noise. She opened the dumpster and out jumps this angry rabid squirrel that attacked her face. Ended up scratching the lenses terribly and she fell, which lead to the frames getting mangled.” – Dr. Nick Jankowski, Mt. View EyeCare Center, Vancouver, WA

8. Patient: “My cat ate my glasses.” – Dr. Nick Jankowski, Mt. View EyeCare Center, Vancouver, WA

9. Patient: “I haven’t seen my best friend in many years. We decided to have a glass of wine on my front porch. What comes next, I found myself running down the street in my birthday suit in the rain in the dark and lost my glasses in the process. There was no way I was going to walk around my neighborhood the next day or ever find it again.” – Dr. Lan T. Nguyen, Optometrist, Round Rock, TX

10. Optometrist: “How did your glasses break?”

8-year-old patient: “My brother stepped on them.”

Mom and patient begin to laugh.

Optometrist: “What’s so funny about your brother stepping on your glasses?”

Patient: “I was wearing them when he stepped on my face.” – Dr. Paul Woolf, Woolf EyeCare Center, Gilbert, AZ

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11. Patient: “I was on a party bus last night and my buddy put them on the radiator [and melted them]. Can you fix them?” – Jenna Gilbertson, McCulley Optix Gallery, Fargo, ND

12. Patient: “I am here because my glasses aren’t fitting anymore. Can you fix them for me?”

Temples in an almost unfixable angle.

Optometrist: “Well, that’s going to be hard to fix. May I ask what happened?”

Patient: “Nothing. It just happened like this.” – Dr. Marianne Lindenberg, The Netherlands

13. Patient: “I flushed them down the toilet.” – Megan Korte, Eye Institute East, Columbia, MO

14. Patient: “A parrot ate them.” – Amanda Wiseman, Primary Eyecare Associates, Sidney, OH

15. “I had one who claimed that she picked up the specs on Monday and didn’t touch them for two days and then she opened the case and the lens had a massive crack. This crack could be felt on the other side. Sounded like magic.” – Aruba Ahmed, optometry student

16. Patient: “I sneezed and then my glasses fell off!” – Sanne, Hoofddorp, The Netherlands

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17. “They were carrying their baby when the baby took the glasses off the [patient’s] face and threw them across the room.” – Ana, FL

18. Patient: “Hi, I need to replace my glasses. Can you check if I’m still eligible for the warranty?”

Optometrist: “Yes, it’s been about six months. Just make sure to bring the old pair.”

Patient: “Well, I lost them. Why else would I need a new pair?” – Dr. Movses D’Janbatian, Brand Optometry, Glendale, CA

Elvira Derhovsepian is an ophthalmic scribe and the creator of the social media platform @overheardoptometry, a community of people who share their unique (and sometimes so very common) stories in eyecare. Derhovsepian recently published the first volume of the Overheard Optometry book, now available at Amazon.com, and enjoys freelance writing and editing in her free time.

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Overheard Optometry

12 Overconfident Eyecare Patients Who Thought They Knew More Than the Doctor

‘I’ve always had unisex eyes!’

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WHEN YOU EMBARK on the journey to become an eyecare professional, you endure years of classroom and clinical training to be able to see patients on your own. You proffer your professional advice on eye health, write prescriptions, and generally make it your business to know what you’re doing.

But what about the moments when your patients can teach you a thing or two? It happens sometimes, no doubt. But other times, they come up with some pretty crazy stuff.

What would you do if your patients said the following?

1. Denial ain’t just a river, it’s apparently a drink too.

 

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St. Louis, Missouri, USA #overheardoptometry #blurryvision #dilationdrops #beers #optometryinmissouri

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2. Stay tuned for the androgynous contacts, scheduled to be released next summer.

 

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Kansas, USA #overheardoptometry #unisex #contactlenses #optometryinkansas

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3. Oh, honey…

 

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Darwin, Australia #overheardoptometry #manukahoney #dryeyes #optometryinaustralia

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4. Perhaps it was on the “Popcorn” feature?

 

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Setúbal, Portugal #overheardoptometry #glasses #optical #optometryinportugal

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5. Tap, still or sparkling?

 

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Northamptonshire, England, UK #overheardoptometry #dryeyes #water #optometryinengland

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6. Flipping minds and corneas alike.

 

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Grants Pass, Oregon, USA #overheardoptometry #cornea #cornealinjury #optometryinoregon

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7. Meyend-blowing.

 

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Northhamptonshire, England, UK #overheardoptometry #contactlenses #dryeyes #naturalselection #optometryinengland

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8. Probably had it on “Heavy Wash”.

 

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Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada #overheardoptometry #dishwashersafe #glasses #optical #optician #optometryincanada

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9. What kind of insect was that and where can we find it?

 

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Hermitage, Pennsylvania, USA #overheardoptometry #astigmatism #optometryinpennsylvania

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10. Glaucoma…gluten-free…tomato…tomahto.

 

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Melbourne, Victoria, Australia #overheardoptometry #glutenfree #glaucoma #visualfield #optometryinaustralia

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11. Isn’t it easier to pronounce the word with two syllables than the one with four?!

 

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St. Clairsville, Ohio, USA #overheardoptometry #obstetrician #optician #tomatotomato #optometryinohio

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12. No! Then all your logic would flow out of the holes. Don’t do that.

 

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Hampshire, England, UK #overheardoptometry #humphreyvisualfield #visualfield #eyepatch #optometryinengland

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Overheard Optometry

18 Eyecare Patients Who Diagnosed Themselves and Were Incredibly Wrong

‘My eyes just hurt so bad. … It’s my stigmas.’

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THE HUMAN BODY IS complex, but the general public can at least point to the location of the heart, the stomach or the bicep muscles. If not, they at least have an idea of how to say the words.

The world of eyecare, however, presents its own intricate terminology. People don’t usually sprinkle their daily conversation with terms such as glaucoma, astigmatism, macular degeneration or cataracts.

Wouldn’t you rather be talking about guacamole? Stigmata? Molecular generation? Cadillacs?

Learning about the different parts of the eye is challenging, as many of our patients find. So here are our 18 favorite moments captured on Overheard Optometry with patients self-diagnosing themselves using creative ocular terminology.

1. Pretty sure there is no uterus in the eye. A for effort though.

 

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Anonymous location • #overheardoptometry #uterus #eye #bloodvessel

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2. Not sure whether to be amazed or terrified.

 

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Manila, Philippines #overheardoptometry #weatherforecast #eyeweatherdetector #optometryinphilippines

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3. Looks like we’re due for an anti-anti-reflective coating eye drop prescription.

 

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Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, Canada #overheardoptometry #allergic #glasses #antireflectivecoating #optometryincanada

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4. Something tells me you probably shouldn’t use hand wipes from KFC for your eyes. Not sure what it is.

 

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Lancaster, England, UK #overheardoptometry #eroticheart #heartbeat #warfarin #arrhythmia #optometryinengland

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5. Unless your eyes are capable of inhaling then by all means, who are we to stop you?!

 

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Paris, France #overheardoptometry #asthma #astigmatism #inhaler #ventolin #optometryinfrance

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6. Hope this optometrist wasn’t trying to cushion the truth.

 

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Portugal #overheardoptometry #pillowmarks #optometryinportugal

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7. That escalated a tad bit too quickly.

 

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Los Angeles, California, USA #overheardoptometry #jaundice #ocular #optometryincalifornia

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8. Sounds like a case of blinker fluid.

 

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Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, USA #overheardoptometry #eyefluid #tears #vitreoushumor #whoknows #optometryinwisconsin

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9. I don’t even know where to begin. Rugby ball? Pupil?

 

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Cape Town, South Africa #overheardoptometry #rugbyball #rugbyballpupil #astigmatism #optometryinsouthafrica

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10. All this stigma about stigmas…makes me wonder why we’re talking about the Crucifixion? It’s just astigmatism!

 

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Texas, USA #overheardoptometry #astigmatism #stigma #optometryintexas

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11. Don’t try this at Japanese gardens. Leave the cod fish alone.

 

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Scotland #overheardoptometry #codliveroil #cataract #herbalremedies #cantmakethisshitup #optometryinscotland

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12. Are you flippin’ kidding?

 

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Madrid, Spain #overheardoptometry #penguins #pinguecula #optometryinspain

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13. Watt are you talking about?

 

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High Point, North Carolina, USA #overheardoptometry #titanium #nickel #frames #lolwut #optometryinnorthcarolina

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14. Sounds pretty flaky if you ask me.

 

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Bend, Oregon, USA #overheardoptometry #oliveoil #potatochips #eyeremedy #dryeyes #optometryinoregon

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15. That could have made a turn for the worst, really quickly.

 

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Richmond, England, UK #overheardoptometry #chlamydia #cataracts #optometryinengland

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16. Almond or soy?

 

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Manchester, New Hampshire, USA #overheardoptometry #coa #boiledmilk #milk #eyeremedy #dryeyes #optometryinnewhampshire

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17. Looks like we’re crossing over a new territory here…

 

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Anonymous location #overheardoptometry #religiouscataracts #catholics #cataracts

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18. Sounds like an eye-land in Greece.

 

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Burbank, California, USA #overheardoptometry #misakostakos #maculardegeneration #optometryincalifornia

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Overheard Optometry

15 Ways Patients Tried to Deny That Their Vision Got Worse

‘Vision is a state of mind. If my mind is clear, my vision is clear.’

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THERE’S SOMETHING infuriating about patients who claim “I can see fine” but have 48-point type on their phone and a selfie stick to hold the phone at a comfortable distance. Meanwhile they’re squinting to read the Wi-Fi password in the waiting area.

Why won’t they just admit that they can’t read their books or street signs? Maybe they’re all in on this massive, worldwide joke and planning to force eye doctors into an early retirement.

At least there’s one upside: ECPs can rejoice in sharing their patients’ unique claims of how their vision did not change. Can your patients beat these stories?

Certainly, Captain Jack Sparrow. Who needs the other eye anyway?

 

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Phoenix, Arizona, USA • #overheardoptometry #visualacuity #optometryinarizona

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Maybe I can pick this up at my next yoga session.

 

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Los Angeles, California, USA #overheardoptometry #bcva #stateofmind #vision #optometryincalifornia

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How often do people read, use the computer and drive anyway?

 

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Glendale, California, USA #overheardoptometry #patients #denial #glasses #optometryincalifornia

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Companies should invest in rechargeable prescription lenses already.

 

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Wichita, Kansas, USA #overheardoptometry #optical #glasses #prescription #medicine #optometryinkansas

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Just leave it to the experts in space…

 

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Utrecht, Netherlands #overheardoptometry #cosmos #myopia #contactlenses #myopicdenial #optometryinthenetherlands

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Looks like this optometrist got caught read-handed.

 

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Sherman Oaks, California, USA #overheardoptometry #bifocal #progressive #glasses #addpower #bifocalize #optometryincalifornia

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Maybe the optometrist was having an off day and didn’t mean to prescribe glasses last time.

 

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Florence, Kentucky, USA #overheardoptometry #glasses #denial #grocerystore #optometryinkentucky

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Why on Earth would we want to do that?

 

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College Station, Texas, USA #overheardoptometry #optometryintexas

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There’s distance, then there’s television distance.

 

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📍Charleston, South Carolina, USA 🇺🇸 • #overheardoptometry #tvglasses #glasses #optometryinsouthcarolina

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Or just carry that selfie stick with you everywhere …

 

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Singapore #overheardoptometry #optician #readingnglasses #toldyouso #optometryinsingapore

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Why didn’t the phoropter fix this patient’s eyes? We’ll never know.

 

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Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA #overheardoptometry #eyeemergency #optometryinmichigan

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But no changes at all. You see, vision isn’t actually seeing. It’s a state of mind.

 

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Eau Claire, Wisconsin, USA #overheardoptometry #denial #optometryinwisconsin

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Good save, optometrist.

 

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Bromley, Kent, UK #overheardoptometry #eyeexam #optometryinengland

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They’re onto us.

 

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Manila, Philippines #overheardoptometry #astigmatism #culprit #optometryinphilippines

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Have we been reading letters wrong this entire time?

 

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Bishop Auckland, England, United Kingdom #overheardoptometry #learntoread #shapes #learnnewthings #optometryinengland

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