WE HAD A MECHANIC who returned a pair of glasses that were scratched all to hell. He said, “I followed your directions and used soap and water to clean them.” I asked what kind of soap he used, to which he replied, “Lava, that’s all I use.” When I stopped laughing I offered him a new pair of lenses and I have told this story for the last 30 years. — Alexander Saper, Great Glasses, Houston, TX