'Vision is a state of mind. If my mind is clear, my vision is clear.'
“When I smoke weed, why do my pupils dilate like I’m on speed?”
"Are you allergic to anything?" "Poison."
'I might be suffering from guacamole.'
That's what happens when you put two contacts in one eye.
‘Out jumps this angry rabid squirrel that attacked her face.’
'I don't see why in the hell you would need to know that!'
"The drops will sting, not stink. You can stop pinching your nostrils now."
Bet you've heard some of these.