A customer called with a complaint about his glasses. Our optician asked him several times to bring the glasses in so we could look at them, while the customer continued to complain. The optician finally said, “Sir, please hold them up to the phone so I can take a good look at them.” (This was before FaceTime.) The customer replied, “You can’t see them over the phone.” To which the optician replied, “You are correct, sir. Please bring them in.” — Bob McBeath, Edina Eye, Edina, MN

WE HAD A MECHANIC who returned a pair of glasses that were scratched all to hell. He said, “I followed your directions and used soap and water to clean them.” I asked what kind of soap he used, to which he replied, “Lava, that’s all I use.” When I stopped laughing I offered him a new pair of lenses and I have told this story for the last 30 years. — Alexander Saper, Great Glasses, Houston, TX

I had a patient call with “something irritating her left eye for the past day.” We brought her in right away. I initially thought it was a chalazion that she had been picking at until I looked under the slit lamp. What I thought was a scab actually had legs. It was a tick embedded in her lid margin! — Kimberly Riggs, OD, Ligonier, PA