Overheard Optometry

18 Eyecare Patients Who Diagnosed Themselves and Were Incredibly Wrong

THE HUMAN BODY IS complex, but the general public can at least point to the location of the heart, the stomach or the bicep muscles. If not, they at least have an idea of how to say the words.

The world of eyecare, however, presents its own intricate terminology. People don’t usually sprinkle their daily conversation with terms such as glaucoma, astigmatism, macular degeneration or cataracts.

Wouldn’t you rather be talking about guacamole? Stigmata? Molecular generation? Cadillacs?

Learning about the different parts of the eye is challenging, as many of our patients find. So here are our 18 favorite moments captured on Overheard Optometry with patients self-diagnosing themselves using creative ocular terminology.

1. Pretty sure there is no uterus in the eye. A for effort though.

2. Not sure whether to be amazed or terrified.

3. Looks like we’re due for an anti-anti-reflective coating eye drop prescription.

4. Something tells me you probably shouldn’t use hand wipes from KFC for your eyes. Not sure what it is.

5. Unless your eyes are capable of inhaling then by all means, who are we to stop you?!

6. Hope this optometrist wasn’t trying to cushion the truth.

7. That escalated a tad bit too quickly.

8. Sounds like a case of blinker fluid.

9. I don’t even know where to begin. Rugby ball? Pupil?

10. All this stigma about stigmas…makes me wonder why we’re talking about the Crucifixion? It’s just astigmatism!

11. Don’t try this at Japanese gardens. Leave the cod fish alone.

12. Are you flippin’ kidding?

13. Watt are you talking about?

14. Sounds pretty flaky if you ask me.

15. That could have made a turn for the worst, really quickly.

16. Almond or soy?

17. Looks like we’re crossing over a new territory here…

18. Sounds like an eye-land in Greece.

Elvira Derhovsepian

Elvira Derhovsepian is an ophthalmic scribe and the creator of the social media platform @overheardoptometry, a community of people who share their unique (and sometimes so very common) stories in eyecare. Derhovsepian recently published the first volume of the Overheard Optometry book, now available at Amazon, and enjoys freelance writing and editing in her free time.

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