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Kids Actually Said These Hilarious Things While Visiting the Eye Doctor

“If you’re such a good eye doctor, then why are you wearing glasses?”

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THERE IS NOTHING BETTER than a conversation with a child. I asked ODs on Facebook members to share funny conversations with their young patients, and the responses were hilarious. Below are a few of my favorites of the more than 100 I received:

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THE EYE DOCTOR

  • I asked a 5-year-old to look at my ear. He asked, “The pointy one?” Mother was super embarrassed. I laughed hysterically. When I asked him to look at the other ear I asked, “Is it pointy too?” His response. “Oh yeah!” — Michael Ciszek
  • My 5-year-old nephew said “If you’re such a good eye doctor, then why are you wearing glasses?” — Alisha Freyberger Seger
  • A 4-year-old little girl … couldn’t wait to tell me, “At breakfast, daddy said you were hot and mommy smacked him.” Silence. (Mom and dad are both in the room.) — Ashley Marie Mastrine
  • I was called a “dentist of the eyes” by a kid who said I was as mean as the dentist because I used drops. — Joanna Davis
  • “Are you a boy or girl doctor, or maybe the new type that are both?” — Susan Miyabe

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES

  • Asking about medical history for an 8-year-old boy: Mom: “He is a little autistic.” Kid: “Nuh-uh, I’m very artistic!” — Andrew Shum
  • A 7-year-old: “I can see fine in the distance! The problem is, the nurse kept making the letters smaller, even though I kept asking her to make them bigger. I think she thought it was Opposite Day!” — Kelly Ann

DURING THE EXAM

  • I was taking keratometer readings on a boy. He asked me what the instrument was called. I told him a keratometer. He then asked, “What are you measuring? How many carrots I’ve eaten?” — Donald J. Seiler
  • I had a 4-year-old at the end of the exam say, “That’s it!? That wasn’t bad, I thought you were going to take my eyeballs out!” — Kailey Marshall
  • (Pointing at the back of the phoropter where you place your nose) “That looks like a butt!” — Terry Ellington
  • I was trying to find out from a sweet little 5-year-old boy if the letters looked less blurry now, but he had no idea what I was asking. His mom, helpful, asked, “Honey, do you ever see things fuzzy?” Exasperated, the child blurted out, “Well, bears are fuzzy, but I’ve never seen one!” — Susan Haney
  • When I refract I say “1 or 2, 3 or 4, 5 or 6, 7 or 8.” Then I start over at 1 or 2 again. At the end of refraction an 8-year-old boy asked me if I knew how to count higher than 8! — Cathy Deede
  • Dialogue with an 8-year-old patient: Him: (after I finished shining lights in his eyes) “I’ve heard eyes are flammable.” Me: “Don’t worry. I won’t catch your eyes on fire.” Him: “Good. ’Cause you could get fired for that.” Me: “Duly noted.” — Terri Wiles GossarD

Rebecca Johnson is a motivational ophthalmic staff trainer, a nationally recognized speaker and author, and director of training for Eyefinity. Her honors include the AOA Paraoptometric Special Service Award and VisionMonday’s “Most Influential Women.” Contact her at rebecca.johnson@eyefinity.com

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Sanity Files

Dr. Ryan Corte Knows How to Hustle

He also knows there is no better way to unwind than with family time and a little wine.

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Ryan Corte, OD
Northlake Eye, Charlotte, NC

Dr. Ryan Corte knows how to hustle. Along with being co-owner of Northlake Eye, he is also founder and CEO of IntroWellness, a health and wellness website … and oh, yeah, a dad to a 1 year old. And people like to say millennials are unmotivated. “I really enjoy learning. When you manage your own business, you learn something new every day,” he shares. And his millennial status is a strength when it comes to managing his practice. “I’m in charge of our website and social media content,” he says. “Naturally, I love that!” Not to mention the positive impact he feels his practice has on its patients, staff and community. “It means a lot to me.” His dislikes are the same as any owner/OD: Finding doctor coverage; recruiting, training, and managing staff; and dealing with insurance and managed care. But at the end of the day he has his beautiful young family at home. “Family time. A glass of wine. A good movie or show. A night out,” are all he needs to unwind.

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Sanity Files

For This Miami OD, It’s the Simple Things That Get Him Back On Track

But lo the patient who dares to no show!

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James Hagen, ODHagen Eye Care, Miami, FL

Dr. James Hagen loves what he does and that hasn’t changed over time. In fact, time has only enhanced that love. In addition to being independent and making his own decisions, his favorite parts of owning his business actually require the sort of longevity his successful career has afforded him. “I love educating and offering new contact lens technology that has evolved throughout the years,” he says. “And being a part of the different chapters in my patients’ lives.” Unsurprisingly, he dislikes dealing with insurance companies and unreasonable patients, but don’t you dare no-show! Thankfully, after a day rife with truant patients, it’s the simple things that get him back to rights: riding his bicycle, enjoying a nice dinner with family and friends, and relaxing while watching TV are all it takes.

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True Tales

A Teen’s Mom is Angry the Store Is Out of Her Kid’s Third Frame

Maybe next time they should buy them in bulk.

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I got yelled at by a parent whose teenager broke his frame for the third time this year. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the frame in stock and would have to order it. I was thrashed and berated for not having the frame, and was told that I should keep “a few extra around here since you know my son breaks his glasses.” Yes, I know that. Especially since he just got the new frame off my board … four hours ago. — Elizabeth Reid, Vision Associates, Hayes, VA

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