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Kids Actually Said These Hilarious Things While Visiting the Eye Doctor

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INVISION childThere is nothing better than a conversation with a child. I asked ODs on Facebook members to share funny conversations with their young patients, and the responses were hilarious. Below are a few of my favorites of the more than 100 I received:

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THE EYE DOCTOR

  • I asked a 5-year-old to look at my ear. He asked, “The pointy one?” Mother was super embarrassed. I laughed hysterically. When I asked him to look at the other ear I asked, “Is it pointy too?” His response. “Oh yeah!” — Michael Ciszek
  • My 5-year-old nephew said “If you’re such a good eye doctor, then why are you wearing glasses?” — Alisha Freyberger Seger
  • A 4-year-old little girl … couldn’t wait to tell me, “At breakfast, daddy said you were hot and mommy smacked him.” Silence. (Mom and dad are both in the room.) — Ashley Marie Mastrine
  • I was called a “dentist of the eyes” by a kid who said I was as mean as the dentist because I used drops. — Joanna Davis
  • “Are you a boy or girl doctor, or maybe the new type that are both?” — Susan Miyabe

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES

  • Asking about medical history for an 8-year-old boy: Mom: “He is a little autistic.” Kid: “Nuh-uh, I’m very artistic!” — Andrew Shum
  • A 7-year-old: “I can see fine in the distance! The problem is, the nurse kept making the letters smaller, even though I kept asking her to make them bigger. I think she thought it was Opposite Day!” — Kelly Ann

DURING THE EXAM

  • I was taking keratometer readings on a boy. He asked me what the instrument was called. I told him a keratometer. He then asked, “What are you measuring? How many carrots I’ve eaten?” — Donald J. Seiler
  • I had a 4-year-old at the end of the exam say, “That’s it!? That wasn’t bad, I thought you were going to take my eyeballs out!” — Kailey Marshall
  • (Pointing at the back of the phoropter where you place your nose) “That looks like a butt!” — Terry Ellington
  • I was trying to find out from a sweet little 5-year-old boy if the letters looked less blurry now, but he had no idea what I was asking. His mom, helpful, asked, “Honey, do you ever see things fuzzy?” Exasperated, the child blurted out, “Well, bears are fuzzy, but I’ve never seen one!” — Susan Haney
  • When I refract I say “1 or 2, 3 or 4, 5 or 6, 7 or 8.” Then I start over at 1 or 2 again. At the end of refraction an 8-year-old boy asked me if I knew how to count higher than 8! — Cathy Deede
  • Dialogue with an 8-year-old patient: Him: (after I finished shining lights in his eyes) “I’ve heard eyes are flammable.” Me: “Don’t worry. I won’t catch your eyes on fire.” Him: “Good. ’Cause you could get fired for that.” Me: “Duly noted.” — Terri Wiles GossarD

REBECCA JOHNSON is an enthusiastic and motivational ophthalmic staff trainer, a nationally recognized speaker and author, and executive director of GPN. Her honors include the AOA Paraoptometric Special Service Award and VisionMonday’s “Most Influential Women in Optical.” Contact her at rebecca@gatewaypn.com.

This article originally appeared in the May 2016 edition of INVISION.

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