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Kids Actually Said These Hilarious Things While Visiting the Eye Doctor

“If you’re such a good eye doctor, then why are you wearing glasses?”

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THERE IS NOTHING BETTER than a conversation with a child. I asked ODs on Facebook members to share funny conversations with their young patients, and the responses were hilarious. Below are a few of my favorites of the more than 100 I received:

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THE EYE DOCTOR

  • I asked a 5-year-old to look at my ear. He asked, “The pointy one?” Mother was super embarrassed. I laughed hysterically. When I asked him to look at the other ear I asked, “Is it pointy too?” His response. “Oh yeah!” — Michael Ciszek
  • My 5-year-old nephew said “If you’re such a good eye doctor, then why are you wearing glasses?” — Alisha Freyberger Seger
  • A 4-year-old little girl … couldn’t wait to tell me, “At breakfast, daddy said you were hot and mommy smacked him.” Silence. (Mom and dad are both in the room.) — Ashley Marie Mastrine
  • I was called a “dentist of the eyes” by a kid who said I was as mean as the dentist because I used drops. — Joanna Davis
  • “Are you a boy or girl doctor, or maybe the new type that are both?” — Susan Miyabe

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES

  • Asking about medical history for an 8-year-old boy: Mom: “He is a little autistic.” Kid: “Nuh-uh, I’m very artistic!” — Andrew Shum
  • A 7-year-old: “I can see fine in the distance! The problem is, the nurse kept making the letters smaller, even though I kept asking her to make them bigger. I think she thought it was Opposite Day!” — Kelly Ann

DURING THE EXAM

  • I was taking keratometer readings on a boy. He asked me what the instrument was called. I told him a keratometer. He then asked, “What are you measuring? How many carrots I’ve eaten?” — Donald J. Seiler
  • I had a 4-year-old at the end of the exam say, “That’s it!? That wasn’t bad, I thought you were going to take my eyeballs out!” — Kailey Marshall
  • (Pointing at the back of the phoropter where you place your nose) “That looks like a butt!” — Terry Ellington
  • I was trying to find out from a sweet little 5-year-old boy if the letters looked less blurry now, but he had no idea what I was asking. His mom, helpful, asked, “Honey, do you ever see things fuzzy?” Exasperated, the child blurted out, “Well, bears are fuzzy, but I’ve never seen one!” — Susan Haney
  • When I refract I say “1 or 2, 3 or 4, 5 or 6, 7 or 8.” Then I start over at 1 or 2 again. At the end of refraction an 8-year-old boy asked me if I knew how to count higher than 8! — Cathy Deede
  • Dialogue with an 8-year-old patient: Him: (after I finished shining lights in his eyes) “I’ve heard eyes are flammable.” Me: “Don’t worry. I won’t catch your eyes on fire.” Him: “Good. ’Cause you could get fired for that.” Me: “Duly noted.” — Terri Wiles GossarD

Rebecca Johnson is a motivational ophthalmic staff trainer, a nationally recognized speaker and author, and director of training for Eyefinity. Her honors include the AOA Paraoptometric Special Service Award and VisionMonday’s “Most Influential Women.” Contact her at rebecca.johnson@eyefinity.com

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Overheard Optometry

12 Patients Who Left Everyone Speechless at the Optometrist’s Office

Off-the-wall comments are approaching record levels.

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MAYBE IT’S JUST that time of year, when everyone is stressed because of the fast-approaching holidays. Whatever the reason, patients sure seem to be coming up with some off-the-wall comments lately.

With the new year coming, I want to say that it’ll get better. I want to encourage readers that the year 2020 will bring forth fewer shocking statements in eyecare offices everywhere.

But when I look at the number of submissions we receive at Overheard Optometry, I know that’s unlikely.

Here are some examples:

1. I mean … 365 days a year x multiple years and you, patient, could be on to something.

 

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Anonymous location #overheardoptometry #wrinkles #contactlenses #optometry

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2. Well. At least this patient adopted a viable daily routine and has one less new year’s resolution.

3. Are we talkin’ natural? Gluten-free? Purified air? We need answers.

4. We got shopping to do, gifts to wrap, places to be, things to see …

 

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Melbourne, Victoria, Australia 🇦🇺 #overheardoptometry #visualfield #glaucoma #optometryinaustralia

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5. Are we talking retinal pictures or holiday gifts at this point?

 

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Los Angeles, California, USA 🇺🇸 #overheardoptometry #itsallgucci #retinalphotos #optometryincalifornia

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6. Not sure who/what feels more invisible: the technician or the neglected black chair?

 

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Los Angeles, California, USA 🇺🇸 #overheardoptometry #awkward #optometryincalifornia

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7. Wish I was at the dentist, too, to avoid the obligation of having to reply to this.

 

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Boise, Idaho, USA 🇺🇸 #overheardoptometry #dentist #optos #optomap #retinalphotography #optometryinidaho

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8. Neither is your brain, is it?

 

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Los Angeles, California, USA 🇺🇸 #overheardoptometry #retinalimaging #patients #fundusphotography #optometryincalifornia

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9. Taking natural eye remedies to a whole new level.

 

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Los Angeles, California, USA 🇺🇸 #overheardoptometry #grits #eyeinjury #optometryincalifornia

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10. Can’t you see through the phone that I’m preparing for Thanksgiving dinner next week?

 

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Every office ever #overheardoptometry #eyeexam #receptionist #optometry

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11. Praying for 2020 vision in 2020.

 

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada 🇨🇦 #overheardoptometry #astigmatism #optometryincanada

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12. As well as a 2020 mind for all our patients.

 

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Carson City, Nevada, USA 🇺🇸 #overheardoptometry #1or2 #refraction #snellen #optometryinnevada

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Sanity Files

A Few of this Canadian OD’s Favorite Things for Maintaining Sanity

Including smothering her cats with affection and weekend dive bar sing-a-longs just to name two.

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Dr. Abby Jakob
EYES – Dr. Abby Jakob, Kingsville, ON 

Dr. Abby Jakob’s favourite (she is Canadian after all) parts of running her business are choosing her own hours, taking time off when she knows she needs it “for my health and sanity,” and becoming more well-known in her community. “It inspires me to get even more involved with community events, volunteer groups, and fundraisers, and that, in turn, helps my business even more as a result!” Of course even jobs we love come with things we don’t love so much. For Dr. Jakob that’s the time required for her social media channels. “I want to engage people and show my true personality with fun, clever, or visually pleasing posts, and it takes up so much time!” Other than that, hiring staff (and potentially having to fire them!), and finding a balance between seeing patients and setting boundaries with her time and schedule, rank in her top three least favorite things. Luckily, every day she gets to go home to hug and kiss smother her husband and all of her cats. “I [also] love going for walks with my dog, one of my cats (Booboo) actually walks with us, and my awesome husband, Patrick.” If it’s a weekend, you can find her in “an old hole-in-the-wall bar with live music, requesting all of my favourite songs and singing along!”

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True Tales

This Mechanic’s Eyewear Was a Mess … But He Followed Directions!

A tale as old as time that gives new meaning to being in ‘hot’ water.

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WE HAD A MECHANIC who returned a pair of glasses that were scratched all to hell. He said, “I followed your directions and used soap and water to clean them.” I asked what kind of soap he used, to which he replied, “Lava, that’s all I use.” When I stopped laughing I offered him a new pair of lenses and I have told this story for the last 30 years. — Alexander Saper, Great Glasses, Houston, TX

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