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Kids Actually Said These Hilarious Things While Visiting the Eye Doctor

“If you’re such a good eye doctor, then why are you wearing glasses?”

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THERE IS NOTHING BETTER than a conversation with a child. I asked ODs on Facebook members to share funny conversations with their young patients, and the responses were hilarious. Below are a few of my favorites of the more than 100 I received:

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THE EYE DOCTOR

  • I asked a 5-year-old to look at my ear. He asked, “The pointy one?” Mother was super embarrassed. I laughed hysterically. When I asked him to look at the other ear I asked, “Is it pointy too?” His response. “Oh yeah!” — Michael Ciszek
  • My 5-year-old nephew said “If you’re such a good eye doctor, then why are you wearing glasses?” — Alisha Freyberger Seger
  • A 4-year-old little girl … couldn’t wait to tell me, “At breakfast, daddy said you were hot and mommy smacked him.” Silence. (Mom and dad are both in the room.) — Ashley Marie Mastrine
  • I was called a “dentist of the eyes” by a kid who said I was as mean as the dentist because I used drops. — Joanna Davis
  • “Are you a boy or girl doctor, or maybe the new type that are both?” — Susan Miyabe

WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES

  • Asking about medical history for an 8-year-old boy: Mom: “He is a little autistic.” Kid: “Nuh-uh, I’m very artistic!” — Andrew Shum
  • A 7-year-old: “I can see fine in the distance! The problem is, the nurse kept making the letters smaller, even though I kept asking her to make them bigger. I think she thought it was Opposite Day!” — Kelly Ann

DURING THE EXAM

  • I was taking keratometer readings on a boy. He asked me what the instrument was called. I told him a keratometer. He then asked, “What are you measuring? How many carrots I’ve eaten?” — Donald J. Seiler
  • I had a 4-year-old at the end of the exam say, “That’s it!? That wasn’t bad, I thought you were going to take my eyeballs out!” — Kailey Marshall
  • (Pointing at the back of the phoropter where you place your nose) “That looks like a butt!” — Terry Ellington
  • I was trying to find out from a sweet little 5-year-old boy if the letters looked less blurry now, but he had no idea what I was asking. His mom, helpful, asked, “Honey, do you ever see things fuzzy?” Exasperated, the child blurted out, “Well, bears are fuzzy, but I’ve never seen one!” — Susan Haney
  • When I refract I say “1 or 2, 3 or 4, 5 or 6, 7 or 8.” Then I start over at 1 or 2 again. At the end of refraction an 8-year-old boy asked me if I knew how to count higher than 8! — Cathy Deede
  • Dialogue with an 8-year-old patient: Him: (after I finished shining lights in his eyes) “I’ve heard eyes are flammable.” Me: “Don’t worry. I won’t catch your eyes on fire.” Him: “Good. ’Cause you could get fired for that.” Me: “Duly noted.” — Terri Wiles GossarD

Rebecca Johnson is a motivational ophthalmic staff trainer, a nationally recognized speaker and author, and director of training for Eyefinity. Her honors include the AOA Paraoptometric Special Service Award and VisionMonday’s “Most Influential Women.” Contact her at rebecca.johnson@eyefinity.com

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Sanity Files

A Florida OD With A Need for Speed

If its not a muscle car that goes fast, he’s not interested.

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Dennis C. Ryczek, OD
Ryczek Eye Associates, St. Petersburg, FL

Dr. Dennis Ryczek may seem like a mild-mannered optometric physician dedicated to helping people see and look their best during the day… but by night, he is a speed machine. A muscle car aficionado, when he is not “impacting patients’ lives and well-being positively through medically oriented dilated eye exams and making personal connections with interesting people,” he’s driving fast cars… fast. But don’t get him started on his dislike of insurance company interference in his practice — everything from authorizations for medicinal Rx’s to doctor reimbursements — it ranks as his #1, 2 and 3 when it comes to the things he dislikes about running his business. Luckily, when he needs to blow off some steam he’s got his pick of ocean activities in the paradise right outside his door.

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True Tales

Could You Keep Your Cool if a Roach Joined You in the Exam Room?

It happened to this doc. See how he reacted.

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YEARS AGO, when I worked at a commercial practice, I was refracting a patient. I was standing to her right and spinning the dials when I looked down and noticed a cockroach sitting on her shoulder. Without a pause, I moved the near point rod down and gently placed my hand on her shoulder, at the same time flicking the roach onto the wall behind her. I completed the exam and the patient didn’t have a clue as to what transpired. — Mark Perry, OD, Vision Health Institute, Orlando, FL

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Sanity Files

This Tennessee OD Loves the Day-to-Day Tasks of Running Her Eyecare Business

She is the @Momtometrist who finds sanity in the mundane.

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Angie Patteson, OD
Sunset Eye Care, Johnson City, TN

HAVE NO FEAR, @Momtometrist is here! “Call me odd, but I love the mundane tasks,” says Dr. Angie Patteson, owner of Sunset Eye Care. “I get to the office very early every day and turn on the lights, check the voicemail, and make certain everything is ready for the day. I also love to check the mail and open packages.” But that’s not all this busy business owner loves about her day job… “Frames, frames, and FRAMES! I love all the different options available. Well, not a keyhole bridge, I haven’t the nose for that. I keep uncut lenses at my desk, so when a new frame calls my name, I can edge it before I go home.” And that is not her only creative outlet, she’s taken up diamond painting to combat a busy day. “Ironically, it involves neither diamonds nor paint. It is tedious, and even mind-numbing at times, but that’s why I like it. I can turn off my brain and apply little faceted pieces of plastic to canvas to make a piece of art.”

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