'I might be suffering from guacamole.'

If you’ve been following Overheard Optometry on Instagram and Facebook from the beginning, then you've read about many of the unbelievable things that patients have said to their eye doctors.

Of course, if you've been in the profession for any amount of time at all, you've probably heard similar things yourself.

INVISION's first collection of Overheard Optometry posts, published nearly a year ago, has proved enduringly popular because the stories are just so relatable — and hilarious.

And if you're one of the thousands who enjoyed it, you're in luck. Today, we bring you the sequel: 34 more sad-but-true things patients actually said to their eye doctor. (Warning: salty language.)

Fluctuating vision in pregnant patients … and fathers?

 

Richmond, Virginia, USA • #overheardoptometry #pregnancy #optometryinvirginia

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And the "most attentive patient" award goes to …

 

Dry eye syndrome denial, perhaps?

 

Explain “anything”.

 

Columbus, Missouri, USA • #overheardoptometry #2020 #2020vision #optometryinmissouri

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Things optometrists can’t say out loud can always be said here instead. #odconfessions

 

Bolton, England, UK • #overheardoptometry #odconfessions #fundus #optometryinengland

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Kudos for trying.

 

Blumenau, Santa Catarina, Brazil • #overheardoptometry #ophthalmology #optometryinbrazil

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Sounds like a legitimate question. Anyone know the answer?

 

So descriptive.

 

Carson City, Nevada, USA • #overheardoptometry #headaches #optometryinnevada

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Sounds like a great case study. Who wants to pioneer this research experiment?

 

San Antonio, Texas, USA • #overheardoptometry #cheezits #pinhole #optometryintexas

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No please, humor me more.

 

Are these patients trying to test our patience?

 

Is it 5 o’clock yet?

 

That colorful conversation escalated quickly.

 

 

 

Such patient patients we have.

 

Wiltshire, England, UK • #overheardoptometry #1or2 #optometryinengland

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Hate it when my astigmatism’s drop shadow shows.

 

Providence, Utah, USA • #overheardoptometry #dropshadow #astigmatism #optometryinutah

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Are you afraid of the dark?

 

Calgary, Alberta, Canada • #overheardoptometry #dark #nightvision #optometryincanada

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Let’s get to the bottom of this.

 

Fancy condition. Wonder how much the surgery cost.

 

Bradford, England, UK • #overheardoptometry #cataracts #cadillacs #optometryinengland

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I don’t see anything wrong with herbal remedies. It was organic.

 

Well, that must have hit where the sun doesn’t shine.

 

Wales, UK • #overheardoptometry #congenitalcataract #genital #cataracts #optometryinwales

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Seems like a logical plan.

 

I’m sure it worked great in the Department of Losing Friends. OR Another awesome holistic method!

 

Why would they burn? It’s just a hot pepper.

 

Hope the medicine didn’t expire.

 

So quick to blame.

 

Dublin, Ireland • #overheardoptometry #icantsee #optometryinireland

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Glad this patient was able to paint a picture for us.

 

He has a point, you know.

 

Hobart, Tasmania, Australia • #overheardoptometry #eyechart #optometryinaustralia

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I think I just got a stye, in addition to nausea, from reading this.

 

Maine, USA • #overheardoptometry #stye #homeremedies #urine #optometryinmaine

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Can’t believe they kept this patient waiting without offering coffee and Netflix to get them by.

 

Beloit, Kansas, USA • #overheardoptometry #coffee #patients #patience #optometryinkansas

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*Prescribes plano glasses for the rest of patient’s life.*

 

And perhaps it was, indeed, a detached eardrum.

 

Ambitious patient we have here.

 

If guacamole is a form of suffering then I want to suffer forever.

 

Sassiness exists in all corners of this world.

 

Penang, Malaysia • #overheardoptometry #patients #optometryinmalaysia

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ELVIRA DERHOVSEPIAN is an ophthalmic scribe applying for optometry school for fall 2018. She is the creator of the social media platform @overheardoptometry, a community of people who share their unique (and sometimes so very common) stories in eyecare. Derhovsepian recently published the first volume of the Overheard Optometry book, now available at Amazon.com, and enjoys freelance writing and editing in her free time.