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At Times Like These, Best Just to Bite Your Tongue …

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What do you say to the little old lady who brings in her eyeglasses and asks you to put in the screw that holds the lens in because she can’t see to do it herself? She knows that you won’t charge her for the screw because she has the screw in this tissue. When you unwrap it you find a mouse dropping.

Answer: Nothing. You just find a new screw, put it in and hand it back with a smile. Ed Menk, E. L. Menk Jewelers, Brainerd, MN (as told to invision’s sister magazine, INSTORE) 


This article originally appeared in the January 2018 edition of INVISION.   

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Overheard Optometry

18 Eyecare Patients Who Diagnosed Themselves and Were Incredibly Wrong

‘My eyes just hurt so bad. … It’s my stigmas.’

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THE HUMAN BODY IS complex, but the general public can at least point to the location of the heart, the stomach or the bicep muscles. If not, they at least have an idea of how to say the words.

The world of eyecare, however, presents its own intricate terminology. People don’t usually sprinkle their daily conversation with terms such as glaucoma, astigmatism, macular degeneration or cataracts.

Wouldn’t you rather be talking about guacamole? Stigmata? Molecular generation? Cadillacs?

Learning about the different parts of the eye is challenging, as many of our patients find. So here are our 18 favorite moments captured on Overheard Optometry with patients self-diagnosing themselves using creative ocular terminology.

1. Pretty sure there is no uterus in the eye. A for effort though.

 

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Anonymous location • #overheardoptometry #uterus #eye #bloodvessel

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2. Not sure whether to be amazed or terrified.

 

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Manila, Philippines #overheardoptometry #weatherforecast #eyeweatherdetector #optometryinphilippines

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3. Looks like we’re due for an anti-anti-reflective coating eye drop prescription.

 

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Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, Canada #overheardoptometry #allergic #glasses #antireflectivecoating #optometryincanada

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4. Something tells me you probably shouldn’t use hand wipes from KFC for your eyes. Not sure what it is.

 

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Lancaster, England, UK #overheardoptometry #eroticheart #heartbeat #warfarin #arrhythmia #optometryinengland

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5. Unless your eyes are capable of inhaling then by all means, who are we to stop you?!

 

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Paris, France #overheardoptometry #asthma #astigmatism #inhaler #ventolin #optometryinfrance

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6. Hope this optometrist wasn’t trying to cushion the truth.

 

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Portugal #overheardoptometry #pillowmarks #optometryinportugal

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7. That escalated a tad bit too quickly.

 

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Los Angeles, California, USA #overheardoptometry #jaundice #ocular #optometryincalifornia

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8. Sounds like a case of blinker fluid.

 

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Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, USA #overheardoptometry #eyefluid #tears #vitreoushumor #whoknows #optometryinwisconsin

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9. I don’t even know where to begin. Rugby ball? Pupil?

 

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Cape Town, South Africa #overheardoptometry #rugbyball #rugbyballpupil #astigmatism #optometryinsouthafrica

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10. All this stigma about stigmas…makes me wonder why we’re talking about the Crucifixion? It’s just astigmatism!

 

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Texas, USA #overheardoptometry #astigmatism #stigma #optometryintexas

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11. Don’t try this at Japanese gardens. Leave the cod fish alone.

 

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Scotland #overheardoptometry #codliveroil #cataract #herbalremedies #cantmakethisshitup #optometryinscotland

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12. Are you flippin’ kidding?

 

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Madrid, Spain #overheardoptometry #penguins #pinguecula #optometryinspain

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13. Watt are you talking about?

 

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High Point, North Carolina, USA #overheardoptometry #titanium #nickel #frames #lolwut #optometryinnorthcarolina

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14. Sounds pretty flaky if you ask me.

 

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Bend, Oregon, USA #overheardoptometry #oliveoil #potatochips #eyeremedy #dryeyes #optometryinoregon

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15. That could have made a turn for the worst, really quickly.

 

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Richmond, England, UK #overheardoptometry #chlamydia #cataracts #optometryinengland

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16. Almond or soy?

 

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Manchester, New Hampshire, USA #overheardoptometry #coa #boiledmilk #milk #eyeremedy #dryeyes #optometryinnewhampshire

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17. Looks like we’re crossing over a new territory here…

 

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Anonymous location #overheardoptometry #religiouscataracts #catholics #cataracts

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18. Sounds like an eye-land in Greece.

 

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Burbank, California, USA #overheardoptometry #misakostakos #maculardegeneration #optometryincalifornia

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Sanity Files

A Florida OD With A Need for Speed

If it’s not a muscle car that goes fast, he’s not interested.

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Dennis C. Ryczek, OD
Ryczek Eye Associates, St. Petersburg, FL

Dr. Dennis Ryczek may seem like a mild-mannered optometric physician dedicated to helping people see and look their best during the day… but by night, he is a speed machine. A muscle car aficionado, when he is not “impacting patients’ lives and well-being positively through medically oriented dilated eye exams and making personal connections with interesting people,” he’s driving fast cars… fast. But don’t get him started on his dislike of insurance company interference in his practice — everything from authorizations for medicinal Rx’s to doctor reimbursements — it ranks as his #1, 2 and 3 when it comes to the things he dislikes about running his business. Luckily, when he needs to blow off some steam he’s got his pick of ocean activities in the paradise right outside his door.

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True Tales

Something Got Lost in Translation During This Exam

And the OD suffered a finger in an unexpected place.

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A LOST IN TRANSLATION story: A Spanish speaking patient and I were doing quite well getting through the exam despite not speaking each other’s language fluently. I tugged my right ear, saying look at my ear for my slit lamp work. She promptly reached over, figuring she was performing as told, and stuck her finger in my ear! Lost in translation I guess. — Brian Parker, OD, Temecula Eye Center, Temecula, CA

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